Buying Local

When it comes to food, hippies love the concept of “buying local,” a term that refers to purchasing locally-made products. This ranges from fruits and vegetables to dairy, eggs, and meat and poultry. The idea is that by purchasing from local companies that manufacture these products, you are reducing your “carbon footprint” because the items don’t have to be transported over vast distances to get to your store or retail outlet. Another benefit, the hippies argue, is that it helps create economic vitality and vibrancy in the local community, as small local producers and manufacturers can effectively compete against giant multinational companies located thousands of miles away, and these local producers then spend their money at other local shops, and on and on down the line, keeping that money in the community. The problem, though, is that some geographic areas simply aren’t positioned well enough to support certain types of products – for example, bananas don’t grow well in Eastern Oregon, and rice doesn’t grow well in Alaska. So what’s a person to do? Change their diet? Eat ONLY foods that can be grown in your local climate? I dunno, but it sounds kinda like….Socialism!!!! Ahhhhhhh! Socialism!!!! Noooooo!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Patchouli and the Rainforest

Hippies love water conservation. So much so, that they intentionally skip showers, trying to wash themselves only every few days or so. To counteract the natural odor that accompanies poor personal hygiene, hippies wear lots of patchouli-scented perfume. But few hippies realize that patchouli is derived from a rare Amazonian wildflower, and that vast armies of Brazilians are employed to rape the rainforest in search of this flower. In fact, according to reliable sources, more rainforest acreage is destroyed each year from patchouli harvesting than road building and agricultural land clearing. Hmmm…if only hippies would shower!

Beef is Good

People say that raising cattle is harmful to the environment, especially in places like Brazil, which keeps mowing down rainforest to expand agriculturally. Well guess what? Beef tastes good. If Jesus was here, he’d eat at McDonalds and be Lovin’ It. Why are the hippies always hating on Jesus?