Bikes are Bad

Hippies love bicycles. They ride them everywhere in Portland, and whenever a collision occurs between auto and bicycle, the auto gets blamed, no matter what. Anyhow, the theory is that bicycling reduces your carbon footprint because you don’t use any carbon-based energy to ride a bike. But, unfortunately, physics sheds some light on this fallacy of a theory. Because, the person peddling the bike uses energy he or she gleaned from eating food. Which means that the person eats more, in order to power that bicycle. Which means more resources being used to do it. Resources like water, fertilizers, and gasoline to grow and transport that food to market. Which means more carbon emissions, leading to rising sea levels, which are killing millions in Bangladesh. Thus, bicycle riders are killing millions in Bangladesh! Where’s the outrage!?!